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The Very Secret Diaries of Terre D'Ange
(These were humorously done on pub chan by Evangeline and Gabrielle at the request of players. These are in the style of the Very Secret Diaries of the Fellowship of the Ring. If you haven't read those, go google it. They are v. funny!)
Bastien
Day 24. Still King dammit, even though forgot to wash hair for an entire week. Suggested to Anne we play 'Find The Scepter'. She thought it was 'Hide The Scepter', but told her no, my game, my rules. Also, v. jealous of Cassiline, prettiest lashes in all of Elua. But MY lashes are Royal! Also, sending army to Camlach to hold off smelly barbarians. Don't want stink in my country. Also, STILL THE PRETTIEST.
Jehanne
Very put off. Found out no actual gap in Gap of Camlach Mountain Range! False advertising. Won't be anything like THAT in Namarre! Had dinner with Hermes, who insisted nose in my bosom was just so he could smell my strawberry bath scent. Doesn't he know Aloof Unavailable D'Angeline Duchess when he sees one? V. irritated. Bastien will kill him if he tries anything.
Alec/Julien
Had vigil tonight. V. v. tired from being on knees. Ha ha! Eva says I have prettiest lashes in Elua but looked at me funny when I asked her to dress like a boy. Stupid girl. Still not King of Opium Dealers, but found new detergent that keeps white white. Cassiel is a pooperhead. Think I'll go find some nice Mandrake boy and play 'Twist The Cassiline's Daggers'.
Ariana
Third time today someone called me 'Arwen'. Who is this Arwen sister anyway? Girl from Cereus, maybe? V. excited, today got to sit around in underwear eating bon bons with Basti and Anne while playing Seek The Scepter. Must go to Mandrake, time for spanking! Also, still not Dowayne yet. THANK NAAMAH.
day 37 of self imposed exile: Miss bossing peon housemates around. All valerians must simper! Rule 678 in the valerian handbook. Eyes cannot be more than raised than 6 inches off the ground. Silly Valerians. Painted myself gold and stood at entrance of temple in Namarre. Tsingi tried to break off my finger and sell it instead of play with me. Stupid tsingi. Miss the Donatien. Will ask for transfer to Kusheth. They appreciate gold there.
Eugene
Beat up by Briar for fourth time yesterday. Screamed at by Balm shrew for eleventh time! She didn't notice I was looking at her bewbs whole time, so ha on her! Trying to be Aloof Unavailable Camlach Comte, yet still come off like Emotionally Damaged StayPuft Marshmallow Man. WHY DOES NO ONE LOVE ME?!?!?! Insert Linkin Park lyrics here. :(
Marc
Today we used paste in the classing room for using sticking our stick houses together. I thought it might be neat to try sticking that girl in her seat. Except then they called Pere and he said it's too early for me to be start considering bondage options. I'm not sure what that means, but ma soeur thought it was funny cuz she giggled!
Gabrielle
Still not Dowayne yet...might as well be! All the work, none of the perks :( Also, found out Camlach not actually bordering real world state of Arkansas, even if social dating habit of chasing sister similar. Found out there IS Gap in Camlach Mountain Range, only have to look in Marius' armor to find it. :( Long to play mare to Marcello's Italian Stallion. Oh well, off to go be on knees! (Not sure how this is different then other times...less rug burn?)
Evangeline
Poncy Cassiline asked me to wear boy's clothes. I gave him look of death! Suspect he's trying to steal king's thunder. 'Find The Cassiline's Candlestick' indeed - rip off! SO off the patron discount list! However, still has prettiest lashes in all of Elua. Cannot resist. :( Got letter from Gabbi. Says there IS Gap in Camlach! May go investigate. Will take Poncy Cassiline, in case of unfortunate stabby death by Hazaran.
Jardin is a success. Take that stinky Balm. Pesky Duc came to beg for assignation. Let ferocious eatrip him up then sent him to Genevieve to tie him up. Whining stopped. Not getting into /his/ carriage. Still the best courtesan on the hill. Patched up Heliotrope and sent her back to her house. and they call /me/ the secret mandrake?. Took out the heart of eisheth and stared at it before contemplating how to cut it into a pair of matching earrings and necklace. Visited palace, made sure queen didn't have fun. Too much fun they will find out I secretly replaced her out in kusheth with a doppleganger. Sold real queen to skaldi to pay for redecorating my house. her comes duc again. Does he ever sleep? Virgin bed my lilly white ass."
Marcello
SO misunderstood in this heathen place as an ARTIST. Fans in vogue now, but watch out! Will bring panniers back into style! Wait and see! Received letter about designing fall line for Gap Of Camlach. V. flattered, but also v. concerned by welfare of unfortunate child workers in duchy. Oh well, must go shag random D'Angeline without paying for it. Have my principles! Also, STILL PRETTIEST FOREIGNER IN ELUA.
Doliana
Sick and tired of mail order Caerdiccan grooms! Almost opted for third in a row, decided to switch teams instead. Model may need change of batteries though, keeps fainting! Still hottest blonde in all of Elua. Tried to play Seek the Scepter with Christine, realized special attatchments may be required. :( Oh well, off to Toy Shop! Heard there was one in Gap of Camlach...
Tsun
Met hawt hawt round-eye courtesan today. Tried to get me to show her my 'Azn Sensation' but am a man of principle. Require at least two more dates. Was prettiest in all of Hanzu, but have competition in TD. Must go now and convince King that my Glorious Pants will hold off the hordes of Hazaran. Only...why is King's scepter in my pants? Oh well!"
Maximus
Totally snubbed by stupid king for indoor sports. Bet he sucks at table tennis. Screw him! Will collect favorite Valerian dolly for game of dressup. I have an idea for dressing up in a rubber bat suit to be the terror that flaps in Night's Doorstep. Too bad rubber not invented yet. Oh well! Ow this chafes!
Phillipe
Don't understand how NC doesn't realize I am the HOTTEST THING IN TD. Don't they notice my pecs? Might need to spend more time shining them up. Caught Elaine in my closet trying on my clothes again. Am puzzled by her issue with gender confusion. Will have to explain difference between boys and girls again. Virgins, sigh.
Genevieve
v. secret diary of Genevieve, day whatever day I say it is= Not a good day. I woke up smiling. whipped a few kittens, started frowning once more. Pesky Duc came by again, telling me what to do. Silly duc, tied him up and gave him to iphigienie. Whining stopped at least. Must. Not. Laugh. Cracked a whip at a patron, told him he was and sent him off to find me an orange at 3 in the morning. entertained the Heliotrope while I waited. Silly Heliotrope. Should have been a mandrake. Must teach her how to /make/ them love you. Life is hard. Duc got free, tied him up again. pesky duc. Almost smiled. Beat more kittens before going to sleep on a bed of valerians. Blonde makes good pillow.
Estelle
Let king perch on me again. V. tiring. Does he not have wife for this? It's /just/ a nickname, not for reals! marched around palace being aloof unavailable Comtesse. Secretly imagining everyone in their underwear. I hear Baronne wears nothing. Will have to peek next time she goes walking in the rain. Must go walk in nights doorstep and pretend to be maiden in distress so I can meet rubber suited wolf. V. big turn on. Wolf. Teach him seek the sceptre. Oh well. Must go look imposing again. Wonder if the Maitresse wears a black corset, or red.
Jeanette
Woke up in punishment room. Switched oils in temple and got caught. Have to stare at picture that is not quite square on the wall for whole day without hanging it correctly. Stupid Dowayne. I'll show him. Spent last night watching Italien stallion measure Gautier for a new suit. Didn't know /thats/ how you measure. Was just like kiss #687 in the Trois milles! Stuck nose in everyones business, and changed party theme for the 18th time. Cannot let anyones party be more perfect. Stregazza was making eyes at me again. Borrowed Gautier's bg stick and nailed him. he'll be back for more. I'm sure. Mut put in another dress design. Hem must be an inch longer and want diamond tiara. I /am/ nobility after all!
Briar
/Still/ the prettiest redhead. Stupid boys, don't they know they're supposed to just let me walk right over them? v. disappointed in quite a few. Can't decide where to live today. Palace! Chateau! Palace! Chateau! Lost baby and meal ticket to duchessdom. Must come up with alternate plan. Hear the de mereliot is single and up for seat. Ferret is turn off. Panther will kill me. I'll just feed the duc to panther, solve two problems in one. oh! it's raining! Must go walk about and look like lonely widow, must keep up appearances.
Aglae
Finally deflowered. Got to show my neck. Next assignation, he can see my shoulder. Eventually he will get to see the rest of me. Maybe a wrist. Went into the city without my veil today. So /that/s what the sun looks like. Stupid veil. It's like I took a claritin! Think I will go to the temple of Naamah today so that I can start my blush Quota. Isabelle says I must do t 361 today. That i'm not blushing enough. Stupid dowayne. Doesn't she know I need to remain pale! Ohh look, new veil cloth!
Antonius
Banished to land of angels by Daddy. Stupid daddy. I want to be Doge! Console myself with the whole of the night court and daddy's money. Treat women like designer caerdiccian outfit. use once, toss away. Pretend to care who killed grandpa, only because it gets me more women. For free. Oh look. more wine!
Gautier
day 1 ( because the first day was perfect enough): Jeanette replaced my perfume with less than perfect mandrake perfum. Must. Not. Cry. Have midnight rendevous with italian stallion, at loss with what to wear. Found another grey hair not at temple. Stupid hair. Doesn't it know it's /only/ allowed to grow at the temples? Walked around the hill. have plans to make every house just like Camellia. Not enough perfection."
Prisca
Suckered into marrying. Man loves his horse more than me. I love my ledgers more. 600 ducats x 20 shipments = climax. Caught him trying on my earrings. Now I know why I only have singles instead of pairs. Duc is pouting that he didn't get to marry me. Silly duc. I make genevieve tie him up instead. Less whining. Mejar is not done my new dress yet. Silly illyrian, sew faster! Must hurry. seneschal is coming with more of my accounts. 250 ducats x 13 barrels of wine = ... oh sweet elua."
Athenais
Woke up, played with babies. Sat looking delicate and beautiful, made sure not to have fun. Secretly plot the italian stallions death. Gautier is all mine. Must. Have. Perfection. Decided which color of purple to wear today. puce? Plum? Aubergine? Mauve? Violet? Heliotrope is horning in on my territory. Paid launderess to put ithcing powder on her dress. That should keep her busy. played cards with old woman from eisande with lots of kids. How many candles DID she light? Got letter from aragonia. Think i'll become a yeshuite. they have less fun. Ideal life!
Simon
Very bored. Contemplating letting panther loose in city. Maybe it will eat Duc. Baronne will be mine! Deflowered valerian, followed Caerdiccian ambassadors footsteps. use once, throw away. Still bored. Toss ferret out window and hope it lands on someone. Wait for screams. So very fun. Made googley eyes at Eglantine and asked her if she wants to pet my ferret. Wrong ferret."
Decimus
day 328: I'm dead! i'm alive! I'm dead! I'm alive! No one laughs anymore. Must learn from the Duc how to properly do it. Got owned by crossed blades housewoman. Shoulda have stayed dead. Maybe Doliana will like my new attachments. Must prepare my new gravestone, off to meet king. May have to die again."
Hermes
Took the new comtesse for a ride in my carriage. coachman braked on cue, instead fo pitching forward into her bounteous chest, I hit the wall of the carriage. Nose might be broken. Must remeber to find new coachman who brakes properly. Still haven't christined my carriage with her"
Gautierisms: Words of advice from an experienced courtesan
The following are sage words from one Gautier no Camellia, mostly, and a few others, that have been doled out either in character to various people, or over the various channels.
1. When dealing with patrons, do not succumb to the heliotrope trap.
2. Just because someone carries a cane, doesn't mean they're crippled.
3. What the king wants, the kings gets. Give in, it'll be easier. Though, sometimes, not giving in is much more fun.
4. Marriage, love, and sex are three separate things entirely.
5. Tiberium wives are like Night Court courtesan's. Both can be bought for the right price.
6. For Naamah, my lady.
7. Not only the love for a man or woman can break your heart sometimes
Macros
Beatles Songs
Briar's player woke up early one morning and had no one to play with at such an early hour (so sad :() so, in her early morning boredom, she was inspired to match up Beatles songs to Kushiel characters. Here is what she came up with:
Briar~ You've Really Got a Hold On Me
Dominik~ Come Together
Marcello~ With A Little Help From My Friends
Hermes~ Hey Jude
Foulque~ Ticket to Ride
Athenais~ Let It Be
Golda~ Money
Cherame~ Daytripper
Gabrielle~ Blackbird
Jehanne~ If I Fell
Bastien~ I Saw Her Standing There
Anne~ I'm Happy Just to Dance With You
Simon~ Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey
Corierre~ I want to Hold Your Hand
Gautier~ Can't Buy Me Love
Lucrece~ Looking Through You
Genevieve~ Happiness Is a Warm Gun
Odette~ Come and Get It
Collette~ Ain't She Sweet
Evangeline~ Any Time At All
